------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------ Disc 1 오스틴 파워 제로 (97, Austin Powers : International Man of Mystery) WAF릴-2CD ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------Austin.Powers.International.Man.of.Mystery.1997.DVDrip.XviD.AC3.5.1CH.CD1-WAF.avi/700MB (734,371,840 바이트) * Austin.Powers.International.Man.of.Mystery.1997.DVDrip.XviD.AC3.5.1CH.CD2-WAF.avi/700MB (734,343,168 바이트) ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------ sub2smi by z00 ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

1967년 라스베가스 외곽

내 지하기지에
온 걸 환영하오

1급 암살자인
당신들 중 누구도

오스틴 파워 녀석을
죽이지 못 했소

나, 이블이 열 받으면

비글워스도 열 받지!

비글워스가 열 받으면

누군가 죽어!

왜 내 주위엔
머저리들 뿐이야?

무스타파, 파비시나

당신들을 살려둔
목적은 단 하나요!

영국의 비밀 첩보원

오스틴을 처치하시오!

영국 런던

마이크 마이어스

오스틴 파워 0 (zero)

엘리자베스 헐리

마이클 욕

그래, 표정 좋아!

섹시하게!

좋아, 그거야!

오, 깍쟁이들!

미미 로저스

오스틴 파워다!

로버트 와그너

세스 그린 / 파비아나 우데니오

오스틴 파워다!

- 켄싱턴 부인
- 안녕, 오스틴

왜 내 모델 안 해줘요?

우리 그이가 질색해요

자기, 깍쟁이!

미워 죽겠어!

오스틴?
나, 첩보국의 베질일세

정보에 의하면
이블 박사가 오늘 밤

난봉꾼 클럽에
나타날 거라는군

갈게요

난봉꾼 클럽

제작 / 수잔나 토드 외

신나네요, 오스틴

분위기 죽이죠?
물도 좋고!

감독 / 제이 로치

마실 것 드려요?

좋죠

오스틴, 이블을 찾아야죠

잠깐! 그럴 필요 없소

오스틴! 그 여잘 왜 때려요?

궁금해요?

얜 여자가 아니고 남자걸랑

이블의 암살자!

칼을 들었어요!

잘했소

일어나! 언능!

이블 박사 어딨어?

저기 계시군

갑시다

좀 비켜줘요

넌 독 안의 쥐야

천만에! 가자, 비글워스!

미래에서 만나자, 오스틴

극저온 냉동 실시

자신을 냉동시켜요!

빅 보이

냉동된 이블은
그렇게 사라졌지

탐욕의 시대가 오면

부활하겠다면서...

30년후 1997년

콜로라도 스프링스
북미 방위센터

사령관님?

뭔가?

남서 기지 대기권에

괴 비행체가 떠돌고 있습니다

무슨 소린가?

빅 보이처럼 생겼어요

돌아왔군!

빅 보이가 언제

햄버거 장사를 중단 했었나요?

닥쳐!

본부에 연락할까요?

현 위치는?

네바다 상공이요

사라졌습니다!

잘 듣게

오늘 본 건 다 잊어

필립스? 각하께 전화해

제트기 대기하고 가방 좀 싸

그리고 내 금붕어...

밥 좀 주게

런던에 갈 거야

영국 런던

오스틴도 그때 냉동을 자청했죠

실수 없길 바라오

2차 대전처럼
미국이 나서게 하지말고!

유명인 냉동실이요

게리 콜만

바닐라 아이스

이리로...

오스틴이 누구요?

최고의 스파이죠

정에 약하고 적에겐 강한
전설적인 인간병기

해동 제 1단계, 레이저 절단

레이저 절단 완료

제 2단게, 거품용액 투입

거품 해동 완료

제 3단계, 생체 활동 재계

해동 단계 완료

제 4단계, 세척 실시

세척 완료

제 5단계, 물 버리기 실시

물 버리기 완...

여기가 이디야?

국방성일세

1997년이야

냉동 후 30년이 지났어

다들 누구요?

목청이 큰 건
일시적 부작용이요

네, 음성 조절이...
맘대로 안 돼요!

여긴 미 전략 사령관!

여긴 러시아의 정보국장이야

러시아? 돌았나요?

자네가 냉동돼 있던 동안

냉전이 끝났어

자본주의 돼지들
쌤통이군, 동무!

우리가 이겼어

잘됐군, 자본주의 만세!

파워 씨

네바다 상공에 놈이 나타났소

이블 박사? 언제 출동해요?

당장! 켄싱턴 양과 함께!

켄싱턴 부인?

그 부인은 은퇴했네

켄싱턴 양은 딸이야

오는군

바네사 켄싱턴 요원!

몸매가 죽여주네

엄청 밝히게 생겼군

부작용 때문에

생각하는 게
다 입으로 나오네?

에고! 그 말까지 해버렸군

제 임무는 당신을

바뀐 시대에
적응시키는 거에요

염려 마, 아가씨

만약 요즘에도
문란한 이성교제와

난잡한 연애질이 유행이라면

난 적응 할 수 있어

터프 파워 소지품

난 오스틴 파워요

여긴 터프인데요?

그건 가운데 이름이요

오스틴 터프 파워

파란색 벨벳 자켓

흰 레이스 목도리

남성의 상징, 목걸이

이태리 부츠

반갑다

버트 바카라 히트곡 모음집

스웨덴제 남성 확대기구

내 꺼 아닌데...

스웨덴제 확대기 구입 영수증

서명, 오스틴 파워

내 꺼 아니래두

남성 확대기 구입 보증서

서명자, 오스틴 파워

진짜 난 이런 놈 아냐

책!

"남성 확대기와 나,
난 이런 놈이야"

저자, 오스틴 파워

서명해요

일단 하지, 시간 관계상...

괜찮아, 자기?

파워 씨

부탁인데

자기라고 부르지 말고

켄싱턴 요원으로...

왜 이래?

그럼 바네사!

진작 그러지!

빨리 출발해요

점보기가 대기중이에요
히드로 공항에...

내 점보기?
'자기' 최고야!

미안...

알았소

빨리 줘요

라스베가스 외곽

내 기지에 온 걸 환영하오

벌써 30년이 흘렀군

모든 게 완벽했소
한 가지만 빼고!

해동과정에서 무스타파가

결정적인 실수를 범했소!

과정은 완벽했소

비글워스의 꼴을 봐!

이블 박사

고양이에게 미칠
부작용까진 미처...

닥쳐!

다시 강조하지만

난 실패를 용납 못하오

이제 사업 얘길 합시다

- 할 일이 많소
- 살려줘!

난 안 죽었소
화상만 심해요!

이 중 몇 명은 나와
초면일 거요

누구없소? 아무나?

119 좀 블러요
아파 죽겠소!

여러분은 내 자문...
잠깐만!

- 가봐
- 죽었어요?

아직! 화상만 심하대

- 총 갖고 갈게요
- 그래

- 죽일까요?
- 물론

이 비상용 해치 좀 열어줘요

여긴 내가 설계했소

오, 오셨군

와줘서 고맙소
화상이 심해서...

왜 쏴?

- 계속 합시다
- 팔에 맞았어!

자! 한 명씩 소개하겠소

구세군 극우 반군 창설자
파비시나

반칙왕! 한국계 레슬러요
잡기에 능하지

솜씨를 보여줘

패티 오브라이언

아일랜드계로 미신 때문에

범행 현장에 늘
부적을 남기지

첩보국에서 패티를 쫓을 땐

늘 내 부적부터 찾죠

이 말만 하면 왜들 웃지?

부적 얘기가 웃겨요?

왜?

TV 시리얼 광고에
그런 게 나오거든

애들이 외치지
'요정아, 요정아'

네 부적 내놔!

헌데 나중에 시리얼 먹다가

사탕을 발견하곤 소리치지

'부적 여기 있네?'

끝으로 소개하죠
내 오른팔...

넘버 투

내 유일한 합법 기업

버츄콘의 경영 책임자요

버츄콘은 지난 30년간

엄청나게 성장했소

제조업에서 통신사업까지

진출했죠

38개 주에 유선채널

클리블랜드의 철강

텍사스의 선박

시애틀의 정유

시카고의 모형 제작회사

좋아

여러분

내게 계획이 있소

작전명은 스캔들

영국왕실은

세계 최고의 땅부자요

왕실에 이렇게 협박하는 거야

거액을 주지 않으면

찰스가 바람이 나 이혼한다는

헛소문을 내겠다고!

찰스는 바람나서

이미 이혼했어요

미리 말 좀 하지

난 냉동 돼 있었어

알아야 면장을 하지!

난 보스야! 정보를 줘!

좋아, 그럼

두 번째 계획!

60년대에 난 레이저라는

신비의 열 광선을 발명했소

그 레이저로 대기권의

보호막인 오존층에

구멍을 내는 기야

그럼 자외선이 무한정 쏟아져

피부암을 유발시키지

그걸 미끼로 세계 각국에서
거액을 뜯는 거야

오존층도 이미 구멍났어요

젠장!

그럼 늘 하던 거!

핵이나 빼돌리자구!

러시아의 신생 공화국
크래플래키스탄이

핵탄두를 유엔에
이송할거요

그 탄두를 훔쳐
돈을 뜯읍시다

백만 달러!

백만 달러?
그건 너무 적어요

뭘 모르시는군

버츄콘 연 매출도 90억 달러

정말?

굉장하군

그럼

협상액을 올리지

1000...억 달러로!

비행기 끝내주지?

신나게 한바탕 흔들까?

각서에 서명해요

각서?

임무 수행중
사고가 나더라도

국가엔 책임을
묻지 않는다

사고? 터프 파워를
물로 보시네

알았어, 이름?
오스틴 터프 파워

섹스? 환영!

자기같은 미녀가
왜 첩보원이 됐지?

옥스퍼드 시절

외국어에 뛰어나
어학을 전공했죠

세계를 다니고 싶었어요

나랑 침대로 안 갈래?

네?

내 거시기에 곰팡이 슬겠어

뭐라구요?

가엽잖아?

그만

내 씨감자 말야
잘 있냐!

제발...

그만 밝히고

맡은 임무에
전념해 줄래요?

내가 뭐 보여줄까?

안 깨물게...
세게는...

내 질문에 솔직히 대답해

날 보면 어때?
흥분돼?

감전된 듯 짜릿하지?

부작용이 심각하군요

기류 이상이야!

- 어지러워!
- 비켜요!

왜 이러지?

파워 씨!
난 당신과 안 자요!

지구상에 단 둘만 남아

인류가 멸종 위기에 처해도

당신과 안 자요!

요점이 뭐야?

만약 박사님이
못 돌아올 경우엔

냉동된 정자로

아들을 만들랬죠?

그랬지

기다려도 안 오시길래
지시대로 했죠

소개할게요
박사님 아들이에요

내 아들?

스캇!!

- 반갑다, 스캇
- 안녕하세요

난 네 아빠야
이블 박사

생전 처음 나타나서

아빠노릇 하시겠다?

웃겨!

뭐에요?

- 내가 안아줄까?
- 싫어요

- 안아줘
- 싫어요

- 어서
- 싫어요

- 와!
- 싫대두!

- 빨리!
- 뭐 해요?

나 이래뵈도 신세대야

괴물처럼 보지마
아빠한테 온!

- 건들지 마요
- 어서!

꺼져요
재수 없어요!

껄떡쇠

비바 라스베가스!

어서 오세요

침대 어느 쪽에서
내가 잘까?

소파에서 자요

우리가 한 방을 쓰는 건

휴가 온 부부로
위장했기 때문에요

알아

헌데 사랑은 언제 나눌까?

자기 먼저 씻을래?

씻겨줄까?

내 씨감자도
몸 좀 풀어야지

웃자고 한 소리야

분위기 풀려고!

짐이나 풀죠

세상에나!

총 사세요!

이게 어떻게?

누가 장난쳤군
진짜 내꺼 아냐

안녕들 하슈?

와인 맛있소?

아, 형씨

- 날 아슈?
- 알아야 인사해?

비바 라스베가스!

베가스의 버츄콘 사는

이블과 연관이 있어요

그 회사 중역이
여기 잘 오죠

- 가봅시다
- 저기 있네요

1000달러 환전

실례!

- 끼어도 될까요?
- 그러시오

블랙잭입니다

최소 베팅
만 달러

손님은 킹
여긴 3

17!

투시용 안대

- 한장 더!
- 17인데요

난 모험이 좋소

4, 21

그만!

한장 더 받으시죠

나도 모험을 좋아해요

좋습니다

제가 이겼네요

죄송합니다

솔직히 난

카드엔 소질 없소

내 소개를 하죠

내 이름은 리치 키닝햄이오
여긴 아내 오프라

난 넘버 투요

여긴 내 비서인
알라타요

알라타 빠자나

- 뭐라구요?
- 알라타 빠자나

미안해요, 난 또
알 낳다 빠졌...

아니요

직업은요?
넘버 투 씨?

알 거 없소

실례해요, 화장실 좀...

저 여자 잘 감시해

이따 방에서 만나

혹시 어떤 남자...?

못 봤겠군

미안...

안녕!

- 의상 죽이는군
- 고맙소

연예인이슈?

영국인이에요

안됐소

형씨?

- 시원하게 빼슈
- 당신도요

너무 용쓰지 마쇼
밑 빠지겠소

넘버 투는 누구 부하야?

말해, 누구 부하야?

누가 너희 보스냐구?

그래, 밀어붙여!
변기 꽉 붙잡고 입술을 깨물어요

힘을 팍 줘!

엄청 요란하군
물 좀 내려요

놀낼 노자군!

뭘 먹었소?

여러분

핵탄두가 도착했소

유엔 비밀 회의실
전화 연결해

나, 이블 박사요

유엔 비밀 회의실
크래플래스탄의 핵을 접수했소

접수했소

되찾고 싶으면
돈을 내시오

백만 달러!

미안...

천억 달러

조용히들 해요!

이봐요, 이블 씨

박사요

이래뵈도, 명문
'이블' 의대 나왔소

우린 테러리스트와

협상 따위 안해요

그러셔?

알았소

앞으로 5일 후면
천억 달러가 들어올 거요

켄싱턴 부인의 런던 자택

바네사?
오스틴은?

자요

- 너 설마...
- 아녜요, 엄마!

소파에서 자요

네가 자랑스럽다

왜요?

오스틴의 매력에
안 넘어갔잖니

날 꼬셨지만
난 싫어요

비정상 같아요
너무 밝혀요

역시 세대차이군

60년대 영국에선

성적 매력은
충치와 무관했어

혹시...?

나? 천만에!
난 아빠가 있었잖니

속으로는 원했어요?

그는 매력적이고

쾌활하고 멋지고
재밌고

와인 전문가야

여자들은 그를 원하고

남자들은 그를 질투해

대답 안 하셨어요

알아

오스틴은

내 소중하고
다정한 친구였어

대답이 됐니?

바꿔줄까요?

아냐, 쑥스러워

알았어요, 끊을게요

안녕!

버츄콘 세계 총 본부

리무진이에요

어디 볼까?

- 이블 고양이군
- 그걸 어떻게...

난 뭐든 기억해

암컷은!

저런! 가버렸네

바네사! 자기 너무 예쁘다!

그래, 좋아

어때?

나랑 밤에 데이트할까?

소개합니다,
버트 바카라!

계속해요

그래

후회 안해?

- 어서!
- 정말 한다?

땅 따먹기

오른손 녹색!

괜찮아?

참! 로비에
뭘 두고 왔어

계단으로 내려갈까?

에스컬레이터로
가야겠군

이왕이면
카누 타고 갈까?

아냐! 승강기를 타자

샴페인 마셔요

넘어졌네!

학창시절 같아요

미안해

- 뭐가?
- 뿅가게 만들어서!

장난기 빼면
시체군요

그래, 시체야!
시체 살려!

관속에 갇혔어

나 좀 꺼내줘!

무슨 관이 요렇게
코딱지만 해?

이런...

- 취했군
- 아녜요

취했잖아

이래뵈도 나
술 세요

- 키스해줘
- 안 돼

- 왜?
- 술김엔 싫어

엄마가 한 말이
이젠 이해돼요

안 돼

예전에 우리 엄마
어땠어요?

멋진 여자였지

바네사의 아버진

엄마를 끔찍이
사랑하고 아꼈어

나도 엄마를
좋아했지만

그걸 표현할

기회가 없었어

돌아누워 자야지

이 손 좀 뺄게

메일 왔습니다

오스틴, 첩보국의 베질일세

발칸사업과 버츄콘사의

연관성을 알아봐

알라타의 집에
지금 곧 가게

Ladies and gentlemen,
welcome to my underground lair.

l have gathered here
before me...

the world's
deadliest assassins...

and yet each of you has failed
to kill Austin Powers.

That makes me angry,
and when Dr. Evil gets angry...

Mr. Bigglesworth gets upset.

And when Mr. Bigglesworth
gets upset...

people die!

Why must l be surrounded
by frickin' idiots?

Mustafa, Frau Farbissina...

l spared your lives
because l need you...

to help me rid the world
of Britain's top secret agent...

the only man
who can stop me now.

We must kill Austin Powers!

Come on, babies.
Work with me, people.

Show me love.

Great, baby!

Oh, behave.

lt's Austin Powers!

Hello, Mrs. Kensington.
/Hello, Austin.

Why don't you ever
model for me?

You know how Mr. Kensington
feels about that.

Oh, behave.

Yeah, baby!

Hello, Austin. l'm Basil Exposition
with British lntelligence.

We have just received word
that Dr. Evil...

is planning a trap for you
tonight...

at the Electric Psychedelic
Pussycat Swinger's Club...

here in swinging London.

We'll be there.

There you go.
Come on, baby.

Austin, it's a swinging shindig.

lt's my happening, baby,
and it freaks me out!

Yeah, man!

Can l get you a drink?

Sure!

Austin,
we've got to look for Dr. Evil.

Wait. l've got an idea.

Austin! Why on earth
did you hit that woman?

Let me show you, baby.

That ain't no woman.

lt's a man, man.

One of Dr. Evil's assassins.

Look out! He's got a knife!

Good work, Mrs. Kensington.
All right!

Get up! Get up!

Where's Dr. Evil?

Where is he?

There's the bastard.

Let's go.

Coming through.

l've got you now, Dr. Evil.

Not this time.

Come, Mr. Bigglesworth!

See you in the future,
Mr. Powers.

My God! He's freezing himself.

And so Dr. Evil escaped...

and had himself
cryogenically frozen...

to return when free love
no longer reigned...

and greed and
corruption ruled again.

Commander Gilmour?

Speaking.

This is Ritter in
Sou-west Com Three.

We have a potential bogey
with erratic vectoring...

and an unorthodox entry angle.

What are you saying, son?

lt appears to be
in the shape of a Big Boy.

Good God. He's back.

ln many ways,
the Big Boy never left, sir.

He's always offered
the same high-quality meals...

at competitive prices.

Shut up.

Shall l scramble Tac HQ
for an intercept?

What's its current position?

l'm presently tracking it
over Nevada.

Oh, my God! The Big Boy's gone.

Listen, son...

l want you to forget
what you saw here today.

Phillips, call the President.

Prepare the jet,
bring my overnight bag...

and feed my fish.

Not too much.

l'm off to London, England.

Powers volunteered
to have himself frozen...

in case Dr. Evil
should ever return.

l hope your boy's up to it.

We don't want to have to bail
you out again like after WW ll.

This is our celebrity vault.

Please.

Who is this Austin Powers?

The ultimate gentleman spy--
irresistible to women...

deadly to his enemies,
a legend in his own time.

Attention. Stage one:
laser cutting begins.

Laser cutting complete.

Stage two: warm liquid
goo phase beginning.

Warm liquid goo phase complete.

Stage three:
reanimation beginning.

Reanimation complete.

Stage four:
cleansing beginning.

Cleansing complete.

Stage five:
evacuation beginning.

Evacuation comp--

Where am l?

ln the Ministry of Defense.

lt's 1997.

You've been cryogenically frozen
for 30 years.

Who are these people?

The shouting
is a temporary side effect...

of the unfreezing process.

Yes. l'm having
difficulty controlling...

the volume of my voice!

This is Commander Gilmour,
U.S. Strategic Command...

and General Borschevsky,
Russian lntelligence.

Russian lntelligence...
Are you mad?

A lot's happened
since you were frozen.

The cold war's over.

Finally, those capitalist pigs
will pay for their crimes.

Eh, comrades?

Austin, we won.

Groovy. Smashing.
Yay, capitalism.

Mr. Powers,
the president's quite concerned.

We've got a madman on the loose
in Nevada.

Dr. Evil... When do l begin?

lmmediately.

You'll be working
with Miss Kensington.

Mrs. Kensington!

Austin, Mrs. Kensington
has long since retired.

Miss Kensington is her daughter.

Here she is.

Vanessa
is one of our top agents.

My God,
Vanessa's got a fabulous body...

and l bet she shags like a minx.

How do l tell them that because
of the unfreezing process...

l have no inner monologue?

l hope l didn't say that
out loud just now.

Mr. Powers, my job is to
acclimatize you to the nineties.

A lot's changed since 1967.

No doubt, luv,
but as long as people...

are still having promiscuous sex
with many anonymous partners...

without protection...

while experimenting
with mind-expanding drugs...

in a consequence-free
environment...

l'll be sound as a pound.

Danger Powers' personal effects.

Actually,
my name is Austin Powers.

lt says here
Name--Danger Powers.

Danger's my middle name.

Austin Danger Powers--

one blue crushed velvet suit...

Hey, all right.

One frilly lace cravat...

There it is.

One silver medallion
with ''male'' symbol...

one pair of ltalian boots...

Buon giorno, boys.

One vinyl record album...

Burt Bacharach
plays his hits...

one Swedish-made
penis enlarger pump...

That's not mine.

One credit card receipt for
Swedish-made penis enlarger...

signed by Austin Powers.

l'm telling you, baby,
that's not mine.

One warranty card for Swedish-
made penis enlarger pump...

filled out by Austin Powers.

l don't even know what this is.

This sort of thing
ain't my bag, baby.

One book: Swedish-made
Penis Enlarger Pumps And Me...

(This sort of thing
is my bag, baby)...

by Austin Powers.

Just sign the form.

Don't get heavy, man.

l'll sign it,
just to get things moving.

You're all right, baby.

Listen, Mr. Powers.

l look forward
to working with you...

but do me a favor
and stop calling me baby.

You can address me as...
Agent Kensington.

Oh, come on.

All right, then...Vanessa.

Was that so hard?

Come along.
We have to leave immediately.

We preserved your private jet
just as you left it.

lt's waiting
at Heathrow Airport.

My jumbo jet! Smashing, baby!

Sorry.

Quickly.

Come on, lad. Let's go.

Gentlemen,
welcome to my underground lair.

lt's been 30 years,
but l'm back.

Everything's gone perfectly
to plan...

except for one small flaw--

due to a technical error
by my henchman Mustafa...

complications arose
in the unfreezing process.

But my design was perfect.

Look what you did
to Mr. Bigglesworth!

But, Dr. Evil, we were unable
to anticipate...

feline complications
to the reanimation process--

Silence!

Let this be
a reminder to you all...

that this organization
will not tolerate failure.

Gentlemen...
let's get down to business.

We've got a lot of work to do.

Somebody help me!

l'm still alive,
only l'm very badly burned.

Some of you l know...

some of you l'm meeting
for the first time.

Hello! Anyone!

Could someone call an ambulance?
l'm in quite a lot of pain.

You've all been gathered here
to form--

Excuse me.

He's down there.

No, not dead--burned. Badly.

lf somebody could open
the retrieval hatch down here...

l could get out.

l designed this device myself--

Good. l'm glad you found me.
Listen...

l'm very badly burned,
so if you could just--

You shot me!

Moving on--

You shot me right in the arm!

Let me go around the table
and introduce everyone.

Frau Farbissina--

founder of the militant wing
of the Salvation Army.

Random Task--Korean ex-wrestler,
evil handyman extraordinaire.

Show them what you do.

Patty O'Brien--
ex-lrish assassin.

His trademark--
a superstitious man...

he leaves a tiny keepsake
from his good luck bracelet...

on every victim he kills.

Scotland Yard
would love to get their hands...

on that piece of evidence.

They're always
after me lucky charms.

Why does everyone always laugh
when l say that?

They are after me lucky charms!

What?

lt's a television commercial...

with this cartoon leprechaun...

and all of these children
are trying to chase him--

Hey, leprechaun man!

Won't you give
your Lucky Charms?

And there's all these
tiny bits of marshmallows...

stuck right in the cereal...

so that when the kids eat them,
they think...

'Oh, this is candy.
l'm having fun!'

Finally,
we come to my number-two man.

His name...

Number Two.

For 30 years,
Number Two has run Virtucon...

the legitimate face
of my evil empire.

Dr. Evil,
over the last 30 years...

Virtucon has grown
by leaps and bounds.

About 15 years ago, we changed
from volatile chemicals...

to the communications industry.

We own cable companies
in 38 states.

We own a steel mill
in Cleveland...

shipping in Texas,
oil refineries in Seattle...

and a factory in Chicago...

that makes miniature models
of factories.

Naturally.

Gentlemen...

l have a plan.

lt's called blackmail.

As you know, the royal family
of Britain...

are the wealthiest landowners
in the world.

Either the royal family
pays us...

an exorbitant amount of money...

or we make it seem
that Prince Charles...

has had an affair
outside of marriage...

and therefore,
would have to divorce.

Prince Charles
did have an affair...

he admitted it,
and they are now divorced.

OK, people, you have to tell me
these things.

l've been frozen for 30 years.

Throw me a frickin' bone here.

l'm the boss. Need the info.

No problem.

Here's my second plan.

ln the sixties, l developed
a weather-changing machine...

a sophisticated heat beam
which we called a ''laser.''

Using these ''lasers,''
we punch a hole...

in the protective layer
around the world...

which we call the ''ozone'' layer.

Slowly, ultraviolet rays
would pour in...

increasing
the risk of skin cancer.

That is, unless the world
pays us a hefty ransom.

That also already has happened.

Shit.

Hell, let's just do
what we always do--

hijack some nuclear weapons
and hold the world hostage.

Gentlemen,
it's come to my attention...

a breakaway Russian republic,
Kreplachistan...

is about to transfer
a nuclear warhead...

to the United Nations
in a few days.

Here's the plan.

We get the warhead
and hold the world ransom for...

one million dollars!

Don't you think
we should maybe ask...

for more
than a million dollars?

A million dollars isn't exactly
a lot of money these days.

Virtucon alone
makes over $9 billion a year.

Really?

That's a lot more.

OK, then.

We hold the world ransom for...

one hundred billion dollars!

Pretty groovy jumbo jet, eh?

When you see this jet
a-rockin'...

don't come a-knockin', baby!

l'm going to need you to sign
these release forms.

Release forms?

You're not officially working
for Ministry of Defense...

and these forms indemnify
the ministry against...

any mishaps that may occur
in the line of duty.

Mishaps?
But isn't that what being...

an international
man of mystery's all about?

Name--Austin...Danger Powers.

Sex--yes, please!

How does a hot chick like you...

end up working
at the Ministry of Defense?

Well, l went to Oxford...

where l excelled
in several subjects...

but l ended up specializing
in foreign languages.

l really wanted to travel.

You know,
sort of see the world?

That's fascinating.

Why don't we go in the back
and shag?

What?

l've been frozen for 30 years.

l've gotta see if my bits
and pieces are still working.

Excuse me?

My wedding tackle.

l'm sorry--

My meat and two veg,
my twig and berries.

Hello, lads, you still awake?

Mr. Powers, please.

l'd appreciate it if you could
concentrate on our mission...

and give your libido a rest.

Can l show you something?

l won't bite...hard.

All right.

Let me ask you a question,
and be honest.

Do l make you horny?

Randy?

Do l make you horny, baby?

l hope this is part
of the unfreezing process.

Oh, turbulence! Look at that!

l've gone over!

Oh, l fell over again!

l will never
have sex with you, ever!

lf you were
the last man on Earth...

and l was
the last woman on Earth...

and the future
of the human race...

depended on our having sex
simply for procreation...

l still would not
have sex with you.

What's your point?

Remember when we froze
your semen?

You said if it didn't look
like you were coming back...

we should try
to make you a son...

so that a part of you
could live forever.

Sure.

After a couple of years,
we got a little impatient.

Dr. Evil,
l want you to meet your son.

My son?
/Yes.

Scott!

Hello, Scott?
/Hi.

l'm your father...

Dr. Evil.

l haven't seen you
my whole life...

and now you come back
and just expect a relationship?

l hate you.

What?

Could l have a hug?
/No.

Give me a hug.
/No way.

Come here.
/l'm not coming over there.

Let's go.
/Forget it.

Pronto.
/What are you doing?

l'm with it. l'm hip.

Don't look at me
like l'm frickin' Frankenstein.

Give your father a hug.

Hey, don't touch me!

Hug...

Get away from me,
you lazy-eyed psycho!

Viva Las Vegas, baby!

Welcome to Las Vegas, sir.

So, which side of the bed
do you want?

You're sleeping on the sofa.

ln fact,
l'd like to remind you...

that the only reason
we're sharing a room...

is to keep up the context...

that we're
a married couple on vacation.

Shall we shag now,
or shall we shag later?

How do you like to do it?

Do you like to wash up first...

you know, top and tails,
whore's bath?

Before l'm on the job, l like
to give my undercarriage...

a bit of a how's-your-father.

l'm just joking.

l'm just trying
to get a rise out of you...

for shits and giggles.

Let's unpack.

Blimey...

nerd alert!

How did this get in here?

Somebody's
playing a prank on me.

Honestly, it's not mine.

Hey, Americans!

Enjoy that wine.

There you are.

Do l know you?

No, but that's where you are.
You're there.

Viva Las Vegas, baby.

There's a company
in Las Vegas called Virtucon...

which we think may be linked
to Dr. Evil.

Plenty of Virtucon executives
are gambling in this casino.

Smashing. Let's go.

There's one over there.

Changing a thousand.

Excuse me.

Do you mind if l join you?

Not at all.

The game is blackjack,
gentlemen.

Ten thousand dollars
minimum bet.

King for you, sir,
and a three for you.

Seventeen?

Hit me.

You have 17, sir.

l like to live dangerously.

Four. Twenty-one.

Five.

l'll stay.

l suggest you hit, sir.

l also like to live dangerously.

As you wish, sir.

Twenty beats your five.

l'm sorry, sir.

l won't lie to you.

Cards are not my bag, baby.

Allow myself to introduce...

myself.

My name is Richie Cunningham,
and this is my wife Oprah.

My name is Number Two.

This is my ltalian
confidential secretary.

Her name is Alotta...

Alotta Fagina.

Come again?

Alotta Fagina.

l'm just not getting it.

lt sounded like you said
your name was a lot of...

Never mind.

What exactly do you do,
Mr. Number Two?

That's my business.

lf you'll excuse me, l have
to go to the little boys' room.

You keep your eye
on the ltalian bird.

We'll rendezvous
back at the hotel suite.

You didn't happen to see...

anything at all?

Sorry.

Howdy.

That is one crazy getup
you got there, fella.

Thank you.

Are you in the show?

No, actually, l'm English.

l'm sorry.

Hey, partner?

Have a good one.
/Are you OK?

Partner, relax. Don't force it.

Gonna blow out your o-ring,
drop a lung.

Who does Number Two work for?

That's right, buddy.
You show that turd who's boss.

Grab ahold of something,
bite your lip, and give it hell.

We're gonna get through this.

That sounds pretty nasty.

How about
a courtesy flush over there?

Jesus Christ, boy.

What did you eat?

Gentlemen...

the warhead is ours.

Patch me through...

to the United Nations
security secret meeting room.

Gentlemen, my name is Dr. Evil.

ln a while you'll notice...

the Kreplachistani warhead
has gone missing.

lf you want it back, you're
going to have to pay me...

one million dollars!

Sorry.

One hundred billion dollars.

Gentlemen, silence.

Now, Mr. Evil--

Dr. Evil.

l didn't spend six years
in evil medical school...

to be called mister,
thank you very much.

lt is the policy
of the United Nations...

not to negotiate
with terrorists.

Really?

So long.

Gentlemen, in exactly five days,
we will be $100 billion richer.

Hello, Mummy.
/Hello, Vanessa.

How's Austin?

He's asleep.

You didn't.

l made him sleep on the sofa.

Vanessa, l'm proud of you.

Why?

Because you've managed to
resist Austin Power's charm.

God knows he tried, mummy.

l actually had to end up
being rather firm with him.

What about his teeth?
lt's really bizarre.

You have to understand,
in Britain in the sixties...

you could be a sex symbol
and still have bad teeth.

lt didn't matter.

Did you ever?

Me? No, of course not.

l was married to your father.

Did you ever want to?

Austin is very charming...

very debonair.

He's handsome, witty...

has a knowledge of fine wines.

Women want him,
and men want to be him.

He's every bit an international
man of mystery.

You didn't answer my question.

l know.

Let me just say this--

Austin was the most loyal
and caring friend l've ever had.

l will always love him.

Do you want to speak to him?

No. lt's been too long.

l'm going to have to go,
but l love you.

Ciao, darling.

A limo's just pulled up.

Let me see.

That's Dr. Evil's cat.

How can you tell?

l never forget a pussy...

cat.

Oh, no. He's gone away.

My God, Vanessa,
you are so incredibly beautiful.

That's it.

Come on, darling...

l'm gonna take you out
for a night on the town.

Ladies and gentlemen,
Mr. Burt Bacharach.

What the world...

Needs now...

ls love...

Sweet love.

No, not just for some...

But everyone.

Austin, get on with it.

l'm going to do it.

Right hand green!

You all right?

You know what?

Wait a tick.
l forgot something in the lobby.

Why don't l take the stairs?

Why take the stairs
when l could take the escalator?

Why take the escalator when
l've got a perfectly good canoe?

l know what--
l'll take the elevator.

Come have some champagne
with me.

Oh, l tripped.

l haven't had
this much fun since college.

l'm sorry.

Why?

l'm sorry that bug up your ass
had to die.

Always wanting to have fun,
that's you in a nutshell.

No, this is me in a nutshell.

Help! l'm in a nutshell!

How did l get
into this nutshell?

Look at the size
of this bloody great big--

What sort of shell
has a nut like this?

This is crazy.

Look at you.

You're smashed.

No, l'm not.

Yes, you are.

No, l'm the sensible one.

l'm always
the designated driver.

Kiss me.

l can't, darling.
/Why not?

You're drunk. lt's not right.

l'm not drunk.

l'm just beginning to see...

what my mummy was talking about
all those years ago.

l can't.

Tell me all about my mummy
in the sixties.

l'm dying to know
what she was like.

She was very groovy.

Your dad loved her very much.

lf there was one other cat
in this world...

that could have loved her...

and treated her as well
as your dad it was me.

But unfortunately
for yours truly...

that train has sailed.

Come on, roll over.

Sleepytime.

Austin needs his hand back.

You've got mail.

Hello, Austin. This is Basil
Exposition from British lntelligence.

l want you to find out
what part Virtucon plays...

in something called
Project Vulcan.

Go to Alotta Fagina's
penthouse immediately.